The Rainy Day

I'm going to be honest. Today has been a rainy day. Literally and figuratively.
It started this morning when I had to take out the dog. He'd been locked up all night, and I couldn't get him out the door fast enough. He peed in the garage. It's never pleasant to start off your Tuesday wiping up dog pee. Then I bring him back inside. Give him his food and some water. He steps in the water and splashes it on the floor. I have to clean that up.
We started school kind of late and, therefore, and I had to work longer into the day than usual. Not to mention the fact that it's freezing outside and incredibly dreary, worsening my mood. And I messed up my diet this afternoon. It's "that time of the month" and I've been struggling with cravings all day. So I finished my schoolwork and immediately felt the desire to snack. And so I did. I just couldn't resist the Cheez-Its and sweet & salty bars.
I think everybody has days like today. You have to clean up after someone else's mess. You have a lot of work to do. You're suffering from PMS, and cheat on your diet. It happens.
But I know that every day of my life won't be all sunshine and skipping through fields of wildflowers. And, you know, those days aren't the ones who really change who you are or make you into a better person. It's the rainy days, when you make a mistake, or have to take care of someone else's problem, that you really inch closer to becoming the girl that God wants you to be.
I read a poem by Longfellow a while back that actually goes along with this post perfectly. I'll close out this post with it. I hope you all have a great rest of the week! Thanks for reading about all my petty problems. ;)

The Rainy Day

by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

THE DAY is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.	5
My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.	10
Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

A new year, a fresh start.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE! 2013 HAS FINALLY ARRIVED! New beginnings! Fresh starts! Renewed outlooks on life! I love it all!

I haven't made a blog post in like...three months. That's really bad. But, hey, why not make a resolution to blog every week this year? I need the writing practice, and I think it's healthy to write down (or "type," haha) my thoughts.

I have a lot of resolutions. I won't bore you with all of them (I have ten), but I'll explain some of the bigger ones.

If you've read my blog before, you can probably guess #1 on the list. Yep, I want to lose weight. Yeah, I know I said I was going to finally get it over with in September. Well, I'm not perfect, and I messed up. It's hard for a busy 16-year-old to diet. Especially from Thanksgiving to Christmas. But, this time, it will get done. I can't let it go on any longer. I'm tired of being discouraged when I look in the mirror, feeling totally unattractive, and trying to suck it in when necessary. I'm tired of it. But that's why my family is buying a gym membership and putting it on the schedule to go work out together each morning. We're also going to attempt to change the way we eat. I mean, we don't eat pizza and hot dogs every night or anything, but we have room for improvement. This is the last time I'm saying this is the last time. Really.

A resolution I need to have every year is to grow spiritually. I'm going to be honest and say that I have really slacked off with my devotions the last few months. I'm a very schedule/routine-oriented person, and I need to commit my devotions to my daily routine. I chose not to read through the Bible last year, and that was a mistake. I need some kind of commitment that keeps me in the Word every day, and having that little 365-day schedule helps me stay on track. Growing closer and closer to the Lord is a lifelong goal that I always need to have on my mind. The new year is just a good reminder for me.

A third resolution I have is to be a better witness by being just friendlier to people. While visiting family this Christmas, we were talking about how technology has changed our social habits. While sitting on an airplane, waiting in line to check out at Wal-Mart, or walking in the park, we tend to ignore strangers. Why talk to them when we're already so connected to the ones we already know by using our smart phones? My grandpa told us about how his dad (a preacher)  felt the need to always talk to the people he ran into each day because he wanted to be a witness. How else will those we come across know that we are Christians? It's not really my nature to be super outgoing, but I'm going to work on it. It's really a responsibility given to us by God.

Looking back on 2012, my life has changed a fair bit. First of all, I moved into my new house in Westmoreland. I tried out volleyball for the first time. I made new friends at music summer camp in Pensacola. I grew closer to some of my existing friends, and, perhaps, drifted away from some of them. I got a puppy! (I'll tell you more about him later.) I flew on an airplane all by myself for the first time. I got my driver's license. I got a new piano teacher. A lot has changed, but that's what's great about life. If things always stayed the same, life would be pretty boring, don't you think?

My never-ending battle with food.

Life sure has been busy lately. I do school, practice piano, practice music, do chores, go to piano lessons, go to volleyball practice, and go to volleyball games every week. Next week, I'll be leaving the house Monday (v-ball game), Tuesday (v-ball game), Wednesday (piano lesson... 45 min. away), and Thursday ( going to UCA and another v-ball game). And then we'll probably be going on a mandatory shopping trip next Saturday (not that that's not enjoyable).  We've had family staying with us for a couple days, so that's given us a little time to relax. This afternoon should be pretty fun. We're having even more family over for dinner. Daddy's grilling steaks, and we'll watch football, and hopefully build a fire in our outdoor fireplace for the first time!

But anyway, today I wanted to blog about something that's not very fun, but some of us are forced to do it.

...Dieting.

Diet. Probably one of my least favorite words. Do I like dieting? No. Do I like the idea of being thin? Yes. This is the battle I have been fighting for a long time, especially the past 3 or 4 years of my life. I've always loved food, a little too much really. And I'm not the skinny type. Those two things combined are not good. I probably started gaining weight when I was about 8 or 9. I went on my first diet when I was about 12, and I've started diets so many times since then. I normally do well for a couple weeks, and then it'll all just fall apart somehow.

So a week and a half ago, I started the Dukan diet. I've done Weight Watchers several times, but the fact that you can pretty much eat whatever you want proved to be too great of a temptation for me. The Dukan diet is a four phase diet, and it's essentially a high-protein, zero-carb diet. It's very, very strict. I've stuck with it, but, so far, I haven't lost all the weight that the man who invented the diet said I would. Last night, I read an article by a doctor who basically said that it was a fad diet and not to do it. That kinda depressed me. So, I talked to my  mom about it, and she advised me to expand the diet a little bit. I'm going to add in fruit, and one meal a week of whatever I want. (On the original diet, you don't get to eat anything you want until you reach your goal weight.)

Everybody has something they have to overcome in their life. For me, that thing is my weight. I'm not really mad that I'm not like other girls who eat whatever they want and stay thin. I really just try to look at it as a growing experience, an exercise in self-control. Self-control is one of the fruits of the spirit.

I'm tired of the girl on the outside not reflecting the girl on the inside. So I'm pushing through till I reach my goal this time. It'll be hard, but I know it'll be worth it.

Insecurity. Sometimes you just don't feel good enough.

"It's back to school time, and you know what that means: back to body shaming time. For all the insecure, body-conscious teenage girls out there, Seventeen magazine comes to the rescue by telling them what's truly important this school year: being 'pretty.'… [Seventeen's back-to-school issue features articles like] 'Shiny Hair, Perfect Skin by Your First Day of School' and 'Get Everything You Want This Year—Great Body, Tons of $$$, Amazing Clothes.' No wonder young women today have such body image issues. We (society) are telling them that that's what's most important! Instead of reading these headlines as the superficial messages that they are, girls are likely walking away with the notion that everything about them is wrong. Their hair is gross, their skin is a mess, their wardrobe is hideous and their body is too fat, too thin, too whatever. So they must fix all of that and buy this magazine which will surely make them perfect and pretty once they discover all 825 ways to do so. It's shameful, isn't it? … This crap is seriously messing with females today. Instead of feeling confident and secure, we are left questioning our looks and our bodies. It's offensive and damaging."
—blisstree.com contributor Deborah Dunham [blisstree.com, 8/22/12] 

 Insecurity: lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt. That's the definition straight out of the dictionary. 

I know I struggle with insecurity almost every day, to some degree, and I believe most other girls do too (to some degree). How could we not with all the beautiful and impossibly perfect women we see in advertisements, on movies and TV, and on the internet? We see perfect skin, teeth, hair, bodies, clothes...everything is perfect. How could we, just normal girls, ever measure up? 

And there's the issue of comparing ourselves to other girls we see. We may be best friends or complete strangers, but girls do it all the time. I may see an attractive girl at the mall or something and think a thought like this: "Wow. Look at that girl. I love her outfit. She's so thin. I wish I looked that good in skinny jeans. How does she get her hair to look like that? I wonder how much those shoes cost. She even has a really handsome guy on her arm. Why can't I be like THAT girl?" 

Gosh, this is a hard issue. You can't just say to a girl: "Be confident." and fix the problem. I believe that a girl has to stay close to the Lord, and realize how much more important developing her character is than looking pretty.  By the way, what does the Bible have to say about this?

Favour is deceitful and beauty is vain: but a women that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. - Proverbs 31:30

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. - 1 Peter 3:3-4

But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. -1 Samuel 16:7

Just let that soak in for a minute. "...for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward apperance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." That verse is so comforting to me.  

I don't know if there is a way to completely erase insecurity, but I do know that God made me exactly how he wanted me to look like. He picked everything. My eye and hair color, the shape of my nose, my height, my eyebrows, everything. I think that's pretty awesome. 

I hope this helps any girls or women who struggle with not feeling good enough. I'm not an expert, but I'm just sharing form my experience and what God has to say. Thank you for reading!

Just a quick check-in!

I haven't written a post in a while, so I thought I would just check in with a short one! Things have been pretty normal around here. I've been doing school, practicing piano and music, going to volleyball games. Yesterday was a typical Saturday. I got up and got the not-so-fun stuff over with. Cleaned my bathroom, vacuumed, swept, and practiced piano. I finished all that just in time for the FSU football game. For those of you who don't know, the Carrolls are big Florida Sate fans. We have a really good team this year, and a lot of sportscasters predict us to go to the national championship. So far this season, no teams have scored any points against us. I almost wish they would, to at least make the games a little more exciting, you know? But anyway, we're enjoying completely dominating everybody else. (We beat Wake Forest yesterday, 55-0.)

And then we watched even more football. UT and Florida were playing, so, of course, we had to tune in. We pretty much hate Florida (obviously), so it was kinda sad that they won. To alleviate our pain, Daddy took us to Sonic to get milkshakes. No, not really to alleviate our pain. I'm starting a new diet soon that's really strict, so we're eating what we want while we can.

Today, Daddy preached at a church in Celina, Tennessee. We have been there several times, and I always love to hear my Daddy preach! He is the best. After that, we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant EVER, La Tia. More eating while we can. (I had to eat Nachos Fajitas one more time.) Really, from my writing you would think everybody in my family weighed about 300 pounds.

Well, that's about it! Hope that wasn't too boring for you to read. Thanks for reading though! I appreciate it greatly. :)

Joseph: Proof That God Works in the Lives of Teens

This morning during my devotion time, I read the story of Joseph. I really feel like God led me to this passage this morning to show me something important. This caught my attention as I began to read:"...Joseph, being seventeen years old..." (Gen. 37:2) "Huh," I thought to myself. "Only one year older than me.'

Joseph was a teenager when God started working in his heart and giving him dreams. This really inspired me. It showed me that God is interested in using young people to further His kingdom. There are several other instances of this in the Old Testament. David and Ruth are a couple of the first ones that come to my mind, but I'm sure there are others. Jesus, at just twelve years old, impressed grown, educated men in the temple with his knowledge of spiritual things. (Luke  2:41-52)

But anyway, back to Joseph. There is so much to be learned from his story. One of the things I noticed was that he found favor with everyone he met. From his father, to Potiphar in Egypt, his jailer when he was in prison, and even the pharaoh himself! People recognized that there was something different about him, and they also seemed to have no problem with putting great trust in him. That is the way that I want to be!!! I'm not saying I want to be super popular, but I am saying I want people to see Christ in me, wherever I go. What an awesome testimony to the world.

Joseph also stayed true to God and his family. Joseph went through so much. He was put in the midst of horrible circumstances, but he never questioned the Lord. He was surrounded by a pagan people and culture, but none of this seemed to influence him at all. Then, there's what his brothers did to him. They sold him into slavery! I can't even imagine the pain he must have felt. But in the end, he forgave them. Wow. That is amazing to me.

He also saw, in the end, God's grand design. "Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life. For these two years hath the famine been in the land: and yet there are five years, in the which there shall neither be earing nor harvest. And God sent me before you to a posterity in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God." (Gen. 45:5-8a) I have personally seen God do this in my own life. After coming through a trial, it is so amazing to look back and see that it wasn't for naught. That you came out better than you could have even imagined. That's how awesome our God is.

Maybe I'll be able to blog more about young people in the Bible. This is a topic I really love, and it inspires me so much. I know that unless this generation of Christian teens rises up and stands for Christ, America may fall. That thought makes me want to just strengthen my relationship with God, go deeper in His Word, and witness to the lost and discouraged. I'll leave y'all with this verse.:

"Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity." 1 Tim. 4:12

How He Loves

September 3, 1996. 16 years ago, I was welcomed into the world by brand-new parents. My birth changed their lives forever. They had never raised a kid before. My dad had never even changed a diaper. He was forced to teach himself when my mom was sleeping (haha). Well, they figured it out pretty quickly. And they've done a pretty spectacular job so far. I'm where I am today because of them. I can't imagine what life would be like had I possibly been born into a non-Christian family. I don't know why God chose me to have this life that I live. But I am so, so grateful.

Today, I am sixteen. Wow. I truly am a big kid now. It's a little scary, but it's more exciting than anything. My family has done a great job of making it special for me. Friday night they took me to Nashville (along with my best friend Peyton) and let me pick out a special place to go eat. (I chose Ted's Montana Grill. Let me tell you, that place rocks.) We took a leisurely drive around Nashville with the windows down, taking in all the sights and sounds. Then we headed over to the mall, mostly just to window-shop. After that, they took me to the Cheesecake Factory.  Need I say more? haha. I got the Kahlua cheesecake. Definitely on the Top 10 list of the best things I've ever eaten. Today they let me open my gifts and cards from relatives. It was special to read the cards, and to open presents from Momma, Daddy, Jacob, and Andrew. They are awesome gift-givers. :) Momma is baking me some of her famous chocolate chip cookies later, and Daddy is grilling for me.

A lot of people have asked me, "Are you going to get your license??" Yes, I am. In November. Momma called the driver's license place (I don't know the official name)and their nearest open appointment was in the middle of November. Oh well, haha. Good things come to those who wait. Maybe by then my parents will actually be mentally prepared to let me drive somewhere by myself.

Looking back over my life so far, I'm just so grateful to the Lord for everything He has done. Some people have told me that I'm a really happy/joyful person who enjoys life a lot. Well, there's just so much to be happy about! I don't want to spend my life feeling sad and ungrateful and pessimistic. It's too short for that. Earlier today, I listened to the Anthony Evans version of the song "How He Loves" and just started crying. The words of that songs are so true.

"I realize just how beautiful You are, and how great Your affections are for me. And, oh, how He loves us."